Seeking  Forgiveness

Kshamanidhi is a mouthful of a name, so let us call him K. Upon recently receiving from a Jain friend the customary  Micchami Dukkadam message, K resolved to seek forgiveness in his own humble way.

Though not a Jain, I’m not debarred from practicing this cardinal virtue common to all religions, he thought. Didn’t Krishna name kshama among his illustrative opulence in Bhagavad Gita?[i] Didn’t Vishnu forgive Bhrigu who kicked on His chest to wake Him up?[ii]

He made a quick life-audit and began seeking forgiveness from persons he had harmed or hurt, knowingly or unknowingly, by thought, word, or deed.

“O Mother, who left me decades ago; forgive me for my most ill-timed arrival at midnight in winter at a village without a doctor or a dispensary, and at a house without electricity. You survived the delivery, put me to your breast, and helped me to live.

O Father, who ruled by the rod (and countless slaps, too); forgive my resentment against your harsh regime, and your avowed refusal to ever say ‘I love you,’ for fear of spoiling me. Forgive me for disappointing and hurting you when I received my first salary, and deposited the amount in my bank account in stead of placing that little money on your hands, as a ‘good’ son was expected to.

O Grandfather, ever so affectionate, kind and compassionate; forgive my resentment when you dragged me out of sleep well-before dawn to help you with harvesting paddy. Forgive me also for not fulfilling your wish to visit Rameshwaram. Your several visits to Prayagraj for dips in the Ganga do not expiate that omission.

Dear Sisters, forgive my inexcusable rowdiness of pulling your pigtails during our several childhood fights.

Dear Elder-sister, forgive me for diminishing your life-chances, indirectly though. You looked after home and hearth so that I could get a higher education which you were deprived of.

Dear Village which nurtured me during my early years; forgive my omission to give back to you till now. I promise to make amends before it is too late.

Dear Teachers who taught me at school, college, job, and in life; forgive me for not reaching out to you to personally convey my gratitude.

Dear Thabira, forgive me for being kutty with you at Middle school for some silly reason, and for never speaking to you thereafter.

Dear classmate who sprayed black ink on my sparkling white new shirt; forgive me for jabbing your forearm with my sharpened pencil and drawing blood.

Dear Allauddin, classmate at high school; forgive me for my uneasiness and unspoken doubt when you treated me to a sumptuous Bakr-Id lunch at your home, my very first meal in a Muslim home.”

K realised that seeking forgiveness from all he had hurt would take much contemplation and time. So, he decided to pause for now and resume later.

Michhami Dukkadam

Every year, the Jains reach out to friends, family, and even strangers with  a Michhami Dukkadam message; seeking forgiveness during the sacred Paryushana Parv - an annual, ritualised practice of self-cleansing through austerity, penance, fast, contemplation, confession, contrition, and  compassion.

Michhami Dukkadam is a Prakrit phrase. Micchā derives from mithyā (Sanskrit) and means ‘false, wrong, incorrect, illusion.’ In Odia, too, miccha has the same meaning. mi derives from me (Sanskrit) meaning ‘by me, of me.’ Dukkaḍaṁ is from duṣkṛta (Sanskrit), meaning ‘bad deeds, misdeeds, sins.’

So, Micchāmi Dukkaḍaṁ literally means:

“May the bad deeds committed by me become null and void;” or ‘May all my bad deeds be rendered fruitless.’
To bring greater clarity, some translate it as follows: “I ask forgiveness for all wrongs done by me to any living being, knowingly or unknowingly, in thought, word, or deed.”

But the crisp, cryptic phrase may have deeper connotations, and could mean:

The gains which have accrued to me through my bad deeds are illusory and unreal. May those gains be nullified and destroyed.

Or

The gains accrued to me through bad deeds have earned a huge karmic debit which would jeopardise and stigmatise my future lives. Upon this realisation, I confess my guilt and seek forgiveness to wipe away the sin through austerity and penance (tapas).

Forgiveness Heals

Forgiveness is a balm for healing. It soothes both – the forgiver and the forgiven. It is therapeutic, says modern psychology of wellness.

Forgiveness need not be a one-time exercise. A daily or periodic detox and self-cleansing may be better and healthier, thought K.

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[i] मृत्यु: सर्वहरश्चाहमुद्भवश्च भविष्यताम् |

कीर्ति: श्रीर्वाक्च नारीणां स्मृतिर्मेधा धृति: क्षमा || 10.34||

I am the all-devouring death, and I am the origin of those things that are yet to be. Amongst feminine qualities I am fame, prosperity, fine speech, memory, intelligence, courage, and forgiveness.

[ii] Rahim’s doha:

छिमा बड़ेन को चाहिए, छोटन को उतपात।

का रहिमन हरि को घट्यो, जो भृगु मारी लात।।